Hello friends! Your neighborly bipolar hairstylist here! You will have to forgive me in reality if I seem a bit off.... I am dealing with side effects of my medications.
Christmas was nice. Zane made out like a bandit and of course you know Joe and I got this computer. There was not any holiday drama which was nice but half the holiday I was sort of like a zombie because of these side effects. It makes me feel so slow and like my tongue is too big for my mouth. My parents got a couple books to try to understand my illness, which is nice. The more educated you are about your loved ones illness, the more you understand why we do what we do. I try to fight it, but its hard when your brain is telling you that no one is good with you and you should just be alone. it is an isolating disease which is why I am glad I have my support group. I need to learn to lean on others because that is what friends are for, support and love.
for the longest time, I wore a mask. I actually had several at my fingers. There was the rebellious, free spirit who loved to piss her parents off and make out (among other things) with boys. There was the Christian mask for church and college, where I led prayers and read the bible like it was a cookbook for my life. I also had the PERFECT friend mask. If you needed me, I was there despite whomever I hurt to get there. This was the most important mask of all, because I felt if I didn't have a slew of best friends or someone at my side constantly.... I would be worth nothing. I would sacrifice everything to be friends. Last but not least, there was the perfect wife mask. Like we had everything under control.
Therapy and my medications help me with this but its still hard not to open that drawer and put a mask on. I really try to embrace what I am and who I am..... side effects and everything.
Whelp, gotta go meet my friend Michelle for coffee and errands. I love you guys! Thanks for reading.
x.o.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Chapter one
so, I just decided to start a blog. I figured it would be a good way to keep myself in check and let family and friends know how I was doing.
This about me is true:
I am bipolar. I was diagnosed a few months ago with bipolar 1. Basically it means I have manic episodes and depressive episodes. I am a rapid cycler so this happens several times in a month. my mania is triggered by alot of things in life.... anything from zane being too loud to something obscure like sleeping in ten minutes late. I am in a support group and I take medications. it helps about halfway through. the other half is up to my will to choose not to give in to certain tendencies to my mania. When I am manic, I definitely self destruct, wether its through spending too much money or thinking that people are talking about me and secretly hating me, to buzzing voices in my head and thinking irrational thoughts like everyone would be better off without me. This is very exhausting. I am usually the life of the party and sociable when I am manic and desperately want to be left alone when I am depressed.
The good thing is, with the new year, I will be radically changing my diet and exercise routine. I am attempting to quit smoking and absolutely no carbs or white sugar (this is with direction of my psychiatrist). Joe promised if I stopped smoking, he would get me a membership to the ymca. I am just waiting for the new year.
I am a hairstylist, and I think a damn fine one at that. I work at Velvet Monkey. This salon has been one of the few stable things in my life. My owner, Estrella, is probably the best boss I have ever had. She is one of my closer friends and has become someone I can rely on and have full disclosure when things are going awry in my life. I love her and my monkey family with all my heart. Hair is my therapy. It is my release. I love making someone feel 100% better about their life because I gave them a radical change or take them dark or light. I feel like sometimes the change of hair is a good analogy of my life... light to dark, long to short.... ridding myself of dead ends and trying desperately to be anew.
well, this is good for starters. I will be blogging every day so check back for updates.
x.o.
This about me is true:
I am bipolar. I was diagnosed a few months ago with bipolar 1. Basically it means I have manic episodes and depressive episodes. I am a rapid cycler so this happens several times in a month. my mania is triggered by alot of things in life.... anything from zane being too loud to something obscure like sleeping in ten minutes late. I am in a support group and I take medications. it helps about halfway through. the other half is up to my will to choose not to give in to certain tendencies to my mania. When I am manic, I definitely self destruct, wether its through spending too much money or thinking that people are talking about me and secretly hating me, to buzzing voices in my head and thinking irrational thoughts like everyone would be better off without me. This is very exhausting. I am usually the life of the party and sociable when I am manic and desperately want to be left alone when I am depressed.
The good thing is, with the new year, I will be radically changing my diet and exercise routine. I am attempting to quit smoking and absolutely no carbs or white sugar (this is with direction of my psychiatrist). Joe promised if I stopped smoking, he would get me a membership to the ymca. I am just waiting for the new year.
I am a hairstylist, and I think a damn fine one at that. I work at Velvet Monkey. This salon has been one of the few stable things in my life. My owner, Estrella, is probably the best boss I have ever had. She is one of my closer friends and has become someone I can rely on and have full disclosure when things are going awry in my life. I love her and my monkey family with all my heart. Hair is my therapy. It is my release. I love making someone feel 100% better about their life because I gave them a radical change or take them dark or light. I feel like sometimes the change of hair is a good analogy of my life... light to dark, long to short.... ridding myself of dead ends and trying desperately to be anew.
well, this is good for starters. I will be blogging every day so check back for updates.
x.o.
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